I wanna talk about Bretman Rock's cock
plus a check in with Armie Hammer, Raya and the Last Dragon, and Trump's favorite fruit
Bretman Rock is a gem and one of the only YouTubers I actively follow (as well as on Instagram and Twitter). He’s hilarious, fun to watch, and seems like a genuinely good person. The fake niceness and “perfect” persona so many influencers appear to have is not an issue that Bretman seems to have. While I do follow Bretman on Instagram, I never really followed his Instagram Story posts (to be fair, I only watch the first ones that appear on my feed, which are usually my closest friends, and I just close the app after). I started watching his stories more consistently in December 2020 and I’m so glad I did! He manages to make each day feel different (I don’t know how one person can have such a fun, eventful life alone during a pandemic but that’s Bretman).
For those who don’t know, Bretman has some pet chickens. In December, one of his chickens (Blaze) went missing. Bretman was worried and went around his neighborhood looking for “Blazey Baby” to no avail. Honestly, I thought Blaze was dead. Not many people know this but my family actually had some pet chickens when I was younger; we didn’t have them for long though. Our chickens were mainly used for fresh eggs. One day, both of our chickens went missing… and they never returned. Our chicken coop is in our backyard, so it’s possible someone could’ve snuck in and stolen them. But the theory I still hold to this day is an animal, probably a snake, ate them. Anyway, back to Bretman’s chicken—I thought she was a goner.
Then something amazing happened.
As Bretman was filming his usual “gooooooodmotherfuckinmorningbitch” Instagram story post, his eyes turned away from the screen to something off camera: “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! It’s Blazey Baby?! Miss Blazey Baby!!!” His chicken Blaze came back! It was beautiful and genuinely moving—I almost shed some tears. It’s just so rare to see an unscripted moment of pure joy on social media. And as low stakes as this is (a missing chicken), it was still one of my favorite moments on Instagram. I’m glad I didn’t miss it.
You can follow my mini twitter thread about Blaze the Chicken here. I love Bretman’s relationship with his chicken. 🥺
I didn’t see this until I wrote this post but someone uploaded a YouTube video documenting Bretman’s first encounter with Blaze!
Here are some of my favorite YouTube videos from Bretman:
P.S. Bretman recently started playing Among Us with some of my favorite streamers (and the only streamers I know of), and it’s so fun watching. He needs to start streaming his games himself!
P.S.S. Bretman has a new reality show on MTV’s YouTube channel! It premieres on Monday, February 8th at 4 PM ET.
Armie and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Year
As I mentioned last week, 2021 has not been a good year for arm and hammer. After his divorce there have been screenshots that apparently shows he has a kink for cannibalism and rape fantasies, women he’s dated say he’s been abusive, he’s had to apologize to Miss Cayman, and he quit his new film with JLo.
This past week he’s dropped out of yet another movie and, this is real, Luca Guadagnino, director of Call Me By Your Name, which Armie starred in, is in talks to direct a new film, which may include Armie’s CMBYN co-star Timothée Chalamet, in which the plot follows a woman who “searches for the father she’s never met in an attempt to understand why she has the urge to kill and eat the people that love her.” Really.
What I watched this week
1/26: The Circus (Season 6, Episode 3)
1/27: David Byrne’s American Utopia; Driveways
1/29: WandaVision (Episode 4)
1/30: The Old Guard
The latest episode of WandaVision killed off one of my favorite characters in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Yes, I’m mad. While I’ve always believed the MCU lacked stakes, and needs to kill off important characters and have them stay dead, this is not that situation. I believe this character deserved more screen time in this universe and, hopefully, future films will do just that. And considering the character’s race, it makes the decision to kill them, especially offscreen, even more problematic
Is ‘Raya and the Last Dragon’ going to be bad?!
I find it curious that Disney is planning to release its upcoming animated film Raya and the Last Dragon on Disney+ (and simultaneously in theaters). You would think Disney would keep its major tentpole films for theatrical releases, but I understand the business decision to increase subscription numbers for Disney+. But it’s not a good look that the company has switched all of its planned-theatrical releases made by and/or starring minorities and people of color to streaming (Hamilton, Mulan, and Soul), while still, STILL, saving Black Widow for a post-pandemic world. And it’s not like you can say “Oh, well, Marvel movies make a billion dollars, so that’s why.” So do Disney remakes, and Pixar films, and Disney animated films do too.
Also, I noticed that Raya is being released as a paid tier on Disney+ (like Mulan), while Hamilton and Soul were free for all subscribers. Considering the fact that Mulan was a critical bomb, while Hamilton and Soul earned rave reviews, it makes me wonder if Disney thinks Raya will be poorly received and wants to get as much money as quickly as possible before people realize it. Let’s hope the first Disney film featuring a Southeast Asian princess is good!
Also read: Disney’s ‘Raya and the Last Dragon’ has a bit of an East Asian problem
Trailer Park
Check out these new trailers for upcoming movies and tv shows. They look fun!
Crime Scene: The Vanishing at Cecil Hotel (this one, admittedly, looks less fun)
You got that good, good, baby, don’t you?
I stumbled across MUNA’s cover of Normani’s hit “Motivation” and I am OBSESSED. It’s such an interesting and unique cover. I love the original but I also love this new rendition. Check it out and lemme know what you think!
GameStopped the world
If you’re like me and don’t understand anything about stocks or what’s going on with GameStop, reddit, and the stock market, read this nice explainer from Vice.
Trump has been impeached again LOL
In case you missed it, former president Donald J. Trump has been impeached again by the House of Representatives. He is the only president in U.S. history to be impeached twice. Only ten Republicans joined house Democrats in support of his impeachment, despite the fact that Trump incited an insurrection on January 6th. Next, there will be a Senate trial, after which the senators will vote on whether or not to convict Trump.
If Trump is successfully convicted, he will be legally barred from running for office ever again. Unfortunately, the Senate is unlikely to convict him considering 45 out of 50 senate Republicans just voted (unsuccessfully) to dismiss the impeachment. So, it’s likely the same 45 Republicans will vote against his conviction after the trial is over. The five senate Republicans who joined Democrats in moving forward with impeachment are: Mitt Romney (UT), Ben Sasse (NE), Susan Collins (ME), Lisa Murkowski (AK), and Pat Toomey (PA).
One of the main arguments Republicans have made against Trump’s impeachment is that it’s divisive and also that he is no longer in office so it’s pointless. Keep in mind, when Bitch McConnell was still the Senate Majority Leader, he wouldn’t allow an impeachment to move forward until after Biden’s inauguration. According to Republicans, you can’t impeach Trump until after he leaves office, and you also can’t impeach him after he leaves office.
Don’t forget to update your iPhone and iPad
According to CNN, “Apple is urging iPhone and iPad users to promptly update their operating systems to fix security bugs that may have already been exploited by hackers.”
…and to file your taxes FOR FREE
Before its untimely cancellation, Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj dedicated an entire episode to filing our taxes and how companies like TurboTax and H&R Block hide their free filing services so you’ll end up paying (which I do every year, because I’m a sucker). Patriot Act created a website called turbotaxsucksass that provides direct links to these companies’ free filing services. I recommend bookmarking these individual links in case this website shuts down since the show has been cancelled :(